I didn’t need to find what I was looking for, I needed to quit looking for what I was looking for.
I needed to give up the quest for answers, leave them in the future, & learn how to live my way into them organically, one present moment at a time.
“Are you relieved?? You finally finished your exhibit!”, a friend asked the day I set up. “Actually… No.” After months of relentless work, I’d finally pulled it off. But there was no “big sigh of relief”. No sense that I could kick back & take it easy, now that this massive project was over. What came instead was a very different realization, one that turned the “normal” I’d always known right on its head…
In Feb. 2016 I took the first blind, shaky, uncertain step that got me on my way. It was a total shot in the dark, & one that made for a massive breakthrough. It was my turning point, & my creative dreams have been underway ever since. It’s amazing how just one small, scary step can re-launch a long-lost dream & bring it full circle…
Where is Point B? How do you get there? What about Point A? How do you even get started?
That question bounced around my mind for a long time before I got my answer…
For so many years (7 to be exact), I struggled to find my way within the “old model”, hoping to stumble upon the How-To guide that worked for me, to discover the book that outlined the way to my dreams…
They trained us to seek out security & stability. But they didn’t tell us those things could also imprison us. That they could stifle gifts that require guts enough to leave their comforts behind… My question is, can’t it ever be OK to NOT know what to expect? To take a course of action that doesn’t guarantee what exactly life, the bank account, the retirement fund, & the future will look like?
As I sit here on my couch, on this cold rainy ordinary January day, balcony door open to the chilly air, I listen to the soul-soothing symphony of rain falling, leaves rustling, & scattered thunder. And transfixed by the glow of my white porch lights against the gray, rain-filled sky, I’m reminded of the magic in the mundane. I’m also reminded of a time just 11 months ago, sitting in this same room, when I experienced the kind of magic in the stillness of an otherwise ordinary day that would change evvvvverything…
The next time you’re hungover, or lonely, or both (like I was yesterday), & you’re tempted to let yourself off the hook, just remember this… Pain-riddled progress, tear-infused art, & neon-splattered battlefields are always worth more than a dusty unlived dream & a casualty-free battlefield that bares no signs of the kind of creative warfare it takes to bring a dream to life.
Hard to believe that, in less than 3 months, I went from dream-death & stuck in a 7-year rut, to opportunities of a lifetime & dreams underway.
85 days, 12 weeks, 2000 hours. That’s it. That’s all it took.
I ran across this writing the other day, from a year & a half before this blogging mission ever took root. Seems like I was just on the verge of epiphany then. Just at the cusp of realizing exactly the kind of boundary-free platform I sought, something I even said I would “have to build”… It basically […]
Oct. 2016 Did You Know? … breakthroughs require rebellion & disruption. … you can’t afford to “be sure” before you take action. … your emotions are in the business of betrayal. … fear is reverse-instructive (you gotta do what scares you). … the path reveals itself as you go along. […]
